Relationships require a great deal of compromise and suppression especially for women. As I began to understand more about how the world really worked I found that knowledge to be a hindrance. It was like knowing I could be free if I made it to the other side of the fence but too afraid of the "what ifs" so I stayed in place and became resentful. Being a black bi-sexual woman with an unpopular opinion about reproducing, and religion wasn’t the type of girl college boys dated so I adapted. I adapted by smiling and going to church, avoiding the questions about children and pretending to be loyal. I compromised myself because of my desire to be loved and accepted instead of having the courage to be myself and alone. The anger that I harbored was all towards myself. The question was, was I going to allow this boat of bitterness to dock at the shores of my new life?
One of the things I admire about the Buddhist is their ability to let go. They live in the Now, by practicing "mindfulness" which means to constantly be self-aware of one's emotions, motives, and thoughts. This mindfulness keeps the mind focused on the Now, instead of allowing the mind to suffer. From my understanding, the Buddhist believe that life is suffering. One of the reasons for that suffering is because the mind wants to busy itself with the past or future events instead of focusing on the present task at hand. By the mind keeping "busy" on bringing up past calamities or future angst, it keeps the mind constantly distracted and anxious about the past or future when there is no reason to be. Once I learned to identify when my thoughts were affecting my mood I started to become more aware of what thoughts triggered negative emotions. Once it became clear what thought patterns created the most angst for me I was able to control it.
I learned to examine my emotions before reacting which changed the outcome in many circumstances. Instead, of immediately jumping to conclusions, I'd evaluate how much I really cared and in the long run, did it matter? I used to internalize everything, this process stopped unnecessary emotional anxiety and trauma. I had to silence the dissenting voice in my head that assured me I was a jaded, fat, un-fuckable woman. I changed my core beliefs about myself. Which was that I needed to be with a man forever so I could identify with being a woman worthy of being loved; when all I ever had to do was love myself. The final challenge was to love freely and unconditionally without any expectations of those feelings in return. Having a kaleidoscope of love in your heart feels much better than a clump of tangled anguish.
I freed myself, as I came out on the other side happier and more confident and self-assured than ever. Which brings me to why I only "date" for fun. There are really only 2 reasons to date; to seek a long term companion for marriage and/or children. If you have no intentions of ever having children or building a life with someone long term, then there is no reason to waste anyone's time, especially as an adult. I am confident I want to continue this leg of my journey on my own terms living the way I choose; which is a polyamorous bisexual atheist, uninterested in committed relationships.
After meeting Carlton I became intrigued with the idea of open relationships and the swinger lifestyle. I did not know any other couples who were currently in or ever were in any open relationships. I really wanted to get the woman's take on the whole thing. Like how do you manage that bubbling feeling of jealousy that starts at the bottom of your stomach and builds up like a knot of sour spite in your throat? Or how do you handle knowing your significant other is off having a good ole time with someone else while you are sitting at home watching Seinfeld? I suggested an open marriage to my last husband and he flat out refused to discuss it. My motivation was purely selfish because I was not being sexually gratified by him. His solution was to buy me a $300 vibrator with several attachments.
When I was browsing CL I noticed how many ads were from couples looking for a single woman or couple to play with. It made me even more curious so I began researching the "Lifestyle" and discovered there was an entire subculture that I had no idea about. I knew there were clubs where people went to have sex, I had been to one once before in Las Vegas. It was a lame assembly of pasty undesirable people bumping fat bags. I had NO desire to ever return there or any other similar establishment until I met Nick and Kia.
Unicorn - Slang for a single, generally bi-sexual female that participates in the lifestyle. Referred to as a "unicorn" because they are so rare. -
For more information about the Swinger Lifestyle click here
One Friday evening I was having a drink at a bar in Bethesda. I had just come from an aggravating meeting and was having a glass of Malbec to take the edge off before jumping on the beltway. I noticed an odd looking couple at the end of the bar in a leisurely way. The man was dressed in jeans wearing a yellow ball cap on top of his enormous Raggedy Andy head with black yarn sprouting wildly from the cap. The woman was sexy and plain with plump breast framed by a black lace tank top. I immediately noticed the way she clung to him as if he had something more special than the rest. It was pretty obvious that she could have anyone with her deep melanin skin glistening even in the shadows of that dark bar. I watched them put on an erotic show in my imagination until the bartender interrupted my thoughts with his questions. "Would you like another?" I nodded yes annoyed that I lost my train of thought until I noticed him approaching me.
"Hi, I'm Nick I see you sitting over here alone I thought you might want to come have a drink with me and my lady friend," he smiled with no expectation that I would say no as he held out his hand to assist me out of my seat. "Bo," he shouted to the bartender, "put her drinks on my tab." I gathered my things and switched seats as Nick directed me to the bar stool between them. Kia immediately introduced herself with a cheesy smile and a limp handshake. Within in no time, I was laughing and joking with Nick and Kia as if they were old friends.
Rick acted like an impulsive juvenile with an oral fixation. Every few minutes he would step outside for a cigarette and then come back in and order a tequila shot. Each time he stepped out, Kia and I became more acquainted to the point that she invited me back to Nick's condo. He lived in one of those new Bethesda high rises right off Wisconsin Avenue. As soon as Nick opened his front door I smelled fresh cannabis and black cherry scented candles. There was a pile of powder on the mirrored table in the living room; I immediately understood why Nick seemed so hyper. Kia brought out a black bottle of tequila that resembled a folic symbol. We toasted to our new friendship then sipped the fragrant tequila like rich people without morals before the debauchery began.
Somewhere between the toast and the last sip of that expensive tequila, Kia's billow and supple 26-year-old breast ended up in my mouth. Minutes later we were both partially naked, touching, sucking, and grabbing each other. Every touch and lick pushed me closer to arousal and inebriated lust.Her body was like a bundle of eights forming her thighs and hips dipping in the right angles and curving without warning. She smelled like whipped sandalwood shea butter was baked into her cocoa skin as my hands explored her tight body as I inhaled the essence of her youth. Our tongues locked; we kissed like new lovers about to fuck for the first time. Nick did not interrupt us as he poured himself another shot. Kia fell to the sofa and I removed her black french lace panties with fervent anticipation.She separated her long legs in what seemed like slow motion for me to see her rainbow of pinks and purples glossy and ready for me to taste. My thirst immediately quenched by her wet pussy lips with a simple kiss. My tongue flirted and swirled around the center of her clitoris, licking it firm and slow. She hummed while grabbing hand fulls of my hair and winding her hips rhythmically. I kept up with her movements while my tongue continued dancing to its own beat.
Nick was behind me enjoying the show until Kia demanded, "Nick, come fuck her. Give her that good dick baby," Nick was happy to oblige. My ass was in the perfect position to receive him from behind. I felt him aggressively approach and enter with wicked intent to pulverize my pussy. My face consumed by Kia's warm chocolate delight while being penetrated by her man. It was AMAZING that it was even happening!
Kia began wailing like a porn star, groaning, and moaning in between calling my name and instructing Nick to fuck me harder. He was like the Energizer Bunny with different speeds, and Kia had all the control. After a few minutes, we switched positions so she could straddle my face while Nick orally fed her several inches. I loved the way her lips slipped between mine as I plunged my tongue deeper tasting all the things she was made of. I got back in my groove licking and using my finger to ravage her pussy the way her man did mine making her hit octaves higher than before until she squirted in my face. "Oooohhh, Ima bout to cuuuuuuuuuu"
"What the!!!" It was like melting mango sherbert dripping onto my face, I licked it just the same and continued until I could no longer maintain the grip of her thighs. I made a woman squirt!?! I was so impressed with myself.
Before I left we exchanged numbers and agreed to meet again. I could not wait!
Erotic Blog, NSFW