When I returned from Denver I felt restless. I knew I needed to find new company to keep; Rein was living on the other side of the country and things had dissipated between Kia and Nick.
I made an executive decision and created a profile on the notorious “Hook Up” site to explore meeting men in a more “explainable” fashion. Since I was capable of actually giving a fuck, maybe I could find men who were ok with being 1 of many. I mean, men who have nothing somehow find multiple women to love and support them. Look at the pimp. What makes a woman want to go out and make money by using her body in order to receive love/approval from an abusive man? Why wouldn’t she use all of that to her advantage? Women have the most power when it comes to their bodies, otherwise, the porn industry wouldn’t be the multi-billion-dollar industry it is. The problem arises when men take control of a woman’s body, therefore controlling her sexuality by restricting when, where, how, and even with whom she is allowed to fornicate. This is all great in a consensual Dom/Sub dynamic but most relationships whether monogamous or open usually involves the control and policing of the woman’s body, not the mans.
Enough with the patriarchal bullshit! I wanted to try something different something like Polyandry. Polyandry is when a woman takes multiple husbands. For obvious reasons, this practice is very unpopular in modern societies. But in my case, I was not interested in marrying, reproducing, or even being in a committed relationship so why shouldn’t I have multiple lovers? Something like a Top 5? I am a multifaceted person with varied interests so why should I limit myself to one person? I wanted to continue to be exposed to new experiences and meet different people without committing to anyone. I wanted to date without purpose.
Truthfully, I am not a good long term partner. I learned this through self-reflection. I am moody, selfish, introverted, with narcissistic tendencies. I am not nurturing or needy; but a true loner by nature. Men often mistake my nonchalance and independence for apathy. Most of my relationships existed under anxiety and insecurity. Those feelings derived from past hurts and angst that had nothing to do with the current relationship yet the mind is a powerful thing. I often imagined hypothetical situations that resulted in feeling anxious and insecure. Which was fabricated drama and had more to do with my disappointment in the dwindling fantasy of the relationship than it did about how I was being treated by the man.
In the beginning, when things are new and you are getting to know each other, there is passion, adventure, the new car smell still lingers after his farts and you can imagine a life with this person. But then somewhere in the middle of ordinary sex, grocery shopping at Whole Foods, and him telling that dumbass joke you can no longer fake a laugh without an eye roll, it hits you; yes, he is a good man but...Each day it becomes obvious that the monotony has set in and eventually the only excitement in life is binge watching the next season of whatever show on Netflix. I would rather be alone than to settle for that AGAIN.
I wanted those arousing first dates where you meet for afternoon drinks and end up on a long walk sharing stories about dead dreams and discounted achievements. I wanted Friday night rendez vous at a hotel bar for shaken dirty martinis with the District Attorney, red wine and steak, after dinner cigars, strip clubs, with the ex-Marine Officer, weekend getaways in the Cayman Islands, and red eye flights to London with the sexy photographer. I wanted a glamorous life of leisure mixed with pleasure.
The hardest part was trying to create a profile statement that conveyed my disinterest in any relationship but also didn’t come across as being for hire. After a careful edit by my BFF Marissa, I posted the following:
You have never met anyone like me. I am a free-spirited, sensual, open-minded woman but also an introverted, child-free, atheist, anti-establishment and status quo-seeking to meet quality people with varied interests and backgrounds for genuine connections. I have no interest in exclusive relationships and a low tolerance for bullshit. I promise I am much nicer in person, want to meet me?
Cocky? A little arrogant? I know. I wasn’t trying to attract men with fragile egos or no sense of humor. I wanted men that were confident in their own masculinity, not threatened by a dominate woman. I wanted to meet me who were open minded, intelligent, with manageable communication skills that I would enjoy spending more than an hour with.
I took some cute selfies and within a few hours, some interesting dialogue conspired with a few gentlemen. By the end of the week, I had multiple dates lined up. Tinder can turn anyone into a hoe in less than 10 swipes. One of the things I always loved about the DC metro area is the diverse plethora of educated and gorgeous men. Within 1 week, I met a gorgeous ex-model turned photographer for brunch on Sunday; the same night, dinner with a short stocky attorney who spoke 4 languages and also painted landscapes. By the following Sunday, I had met over 7 men in person just by swiping. It was too easy. I don’t remember ever having this much success before, but it was obvious why. I no longer had any preferences. Since I had no intentions of long term commitment it didn’t matter who I spent my time with. I no longer had my “list” to check off before I could reply to a message or say yes to meet in person. It no longer mattered where he lived, what he did for a living, how many kids, where he was from, race, age???
Turns out being honest gets you exactly what you want. The men I met were not all gems, but most understood and respected my ideology. It was refreshing to meet someone as my true self instead of first showing up as some made up version of who I thought this person wanted me to be. And so began the campaign for a Ralph, and a Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike. Anji’s Top 5.
Erotic Blog, NSFW